A few years ago (March 2003) Jonathan Rauch published a
brilliant piece in The Atlantic Monthly,
“Caring for your Introvert” (you can read a copy here). Please do read it. If
you are an introvert you will want to keep a copy of Rauch’s article to give to
friends. (I’m not kidding.) If you are an extrovert you need to read Rauch’s
article regularly in order to stop inflicting so much damage. (I’m not kidding
about this, either.)
I am qualified to identify Rauch’s piece as brilliant
because I am an introvert. Off the charts introvert, actually. Being with
people is great, unhurried conversation is lovely and something I cherish, but
I find being with people draining not energizing. I have friends who are
extroverts and enjoy watching them ramp up as they are in a crowd and
interacting, and though I wonder what that is like, I don’t envy them. I find
silence and solitude energizing, and when the crowd disperses and I am alone I
find my soul recovering a sense of delight great enough to once again plunge
into another crowd.
Or as Rauch puts it: Extroverts
are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by
themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two
minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two
of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own
formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn’t
antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For
introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as
nourishing as eating. Our motto: “I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses.”
It should not be much of a surprise to anyone that many
organizations, activities, and programs are run by extroverts. Not all by any
means, but many. This includes the church. (There is even a book
on the topic
of introverts in the church, but I haven’t read it.)
on the topic
of introverts in the church, but I haven’t read it.)
The fact that many leaders within the church—clergy as well
as lay leaders, formal and informal—are extroverts suggests this might cause
some problems for introverts who love Christ but find people draining. It’s not
that introverts cannot spend significant time with people, realize, but
programs designed by extroverts can make introverts feel like they’ve been placed
in a sealed box from which the air is being slowly sucked out. The worst of it is, Rauch notes
correctly, that extroverts have no idea
of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog
of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to
listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette
books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard declining to banter as rude and
gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our
condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts’ Rights
movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say “I’m an
introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush.”
In a comment to my last post on this blog (September 5,
2011) a friend of mine mentioned how introverts can be made to feel
uncomfortable in church:
Is there a place for
introverts in evangelical churches? A few weeks ago I went to a church where I
know a fair number of people there and am quite close to a couple. But it was a
new church for me and it was a massive crowd. I felt deeply uncomfortable the
whole time. It wasn't b/c of anything the church did. It was b/c I'm an extreme
introvert who hates crowds of any kind and who esp. struggles in crowds of
Christians I do not know because I have a really messy past with Christians. Is
there a place for someone like that in your church? That's what I want to ask
people. Have you given any thought as to how to love, serve, and relate to
people who don't like crowds and who don't thrive on tons of time with other
people?
So, I’d love to hear from people on all this, particularly
from introverts. What is your response to Rauch’s article (which you can read
here)? What is your experience in all this, for blessing or for curse? What
does introversion and extroversion suggest for the life of Christians and the
church?
And finally, just because it is so true, I end this post
with Rauch’s conclusion:
How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and
respect his choice? First, recognize
that it’s not a choice. It’s not a lifestyle. It’s an orientation.
Second, when you see
an introvert lost in thought, don’t say “What’s the matter?” or “Are you all
right?”
Third, don’t say
anything else, either.
This entry was posted
at Monday, September 12, 2011
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