A few weeks
ago a dear friend confronted me about some unhealthy patterns of emotion she
saw in me. She is, sadly, correct. The unhealthy patterns exist, have had a
long history, and so far have been easier to cover up than actually face and
address. That too, is unhealthy, and by God’s grace is undergoing change,
though the process will be, I am assured by people who know such things,
neither easy nor quick. So be it. One thing is certain: I don’t want to be the
sort of person who exhibits such unhealthy patterns.
I’d be more
specific but am not comfortable doing that right now—maybe someday.
Alas. The
brokenness we must own as sons of Adam and daughters of Eve.
In the
weeks since our conversation I’ve thought and reflected, and prayed a lot about
all this. Some things have become clearer and other things seem to need more
clarity. The fact that patterns of emotion—of responses that seem so automatic
as to be instinctual or reflexive—can remain below my threshold of consciousness
is troubling. So much for thinking I was living an examined life.
But then
good friends willing to have hard conversations that initiate a period of hard
learning, growth, and hopefully healing: this too is a form of examination, and
a necessary if painful one. I am after all, finite as well as fallen.
As I’ve
wrestled with all this, some ideas about hardship caught my attention:
“From
repeated research studies, [Russ] Moxley [former senior fellow at the Center
for Creative Leadership] became convinced that the most important element of
marketplace leadership training concerns how persons learn through hardships.
The center’s research summarizes the lessons learned from hardships in four
categories: self-knowledge with a clarifying of values, sensitivity and
compassion toward others, limits of personal control over circumstances, and
flexibility…
“Moxley…
made another striking observation. He said that hardships are only useful when
persons experiencing them have support systems that sustain them emotionally
and that encourage them to reflect on the experience. ‘Hardships often evoke
powerful and painful emotions, and an inability or unwillingness to face and
reflect on this pain prevents learning.’ Vulnerability in safe relationships
makes learning possible.” [p. 44-47]
That seems
so very correct. I do want to be known for those four things: self-knowledge with a clarifying of values,
sensitivity and compassion toward others, limits of personal control over
circumstances, and flexibility. And I am grateful for the safe
relationships that envelop me that will, by grace, make growth possible.
Source: Resilient Ministry: What Pastors Told us
about Surviving and Thriving by Bob Burns, Tasha D. Chapman & Donald C.
Guthrie (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press; 2013).
This entry was posted
at Friday, July 05, 2013
and is filed under
Brokenness,
Community,
Confession,
Conversation,
Relationships,
Repentance
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